Month: April 2013

My Favorite PC games of 2012

The end of April is the perfect time to recap last year’s best PC games, right? Hey, I’m nothing if not excessively late.

FTL: Faster Than Light
This is my favorite game of the year. It’s a merciless roguelike that has you piloting your own ship, constantly pursued by an almost unbeatable enemy and susceptible to death at every turn. Oh, and the music kicks ass.

X-Com: Enemy Unknown
Quite possibly my second favorite game of the year. Multiplayer is missing something I can’t quite put my finger on. While I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s game-breakingly buggy, there are some odd glitches here and there. All that aside, this one definitely activated Obsession Mode.

Legend of Grimrock
Old school dungeon crawling fun. Probably in my top three.

Counter-Strike: Global Offensive
I love Counter-Strike, 1.6 as well as Source. CS:GO feels the way a modern version of Counter-Strike should feel and it gets better with every update.

Max Payne 3
As far as capturing the feel of an awesome crime movie, you literally can’t top Max Payne 3. It’s the closest we’ll get to Breaking Bad: The Video Game. Multiplayer is unreasonably fun, too, at least for a week or two.

Mark of the Ninja
Probably my favorite platformer since Super Meat Boy.

Diablo 3
No, it’s not nearly as good as Diablo 2, but launch-issues aside, it’s a must-have.

Hitman Absolution
It’s not nearly as good as Hitman: Blood Money, but it’s a hell of a lot slicker. Much better than I expected, but you should know I expected absolute disappointment.

Sleeping Dogs
This is one of the best looking games on PC right now. I didn’t enjoy it as much as Grand Theft Auto IV, but then again, I like GTA even more than most people (I’m a simple man).

Borderlands 2
I didn’t dig the original Borderlands nearly as much as this one. Looting is a lot more satisfying than it is in Diablo 3 and multiplayer is a blast. 

Far Cry 3
This is the best open world game in ages. It’s absolutely beautiful, too. I can’t wait until I get to play as Michael Biehn in Far Cry: Blood Dragon. 

Planetside 2
I love Halo for its massive landscapes and science fiction imagery. This captures the same feeling and it’s free.

Evil Dead 2013: Dead by Yawn

“It’s a few hours until dawn.”

“We’re not going to be alive to see it.”

When the credits rolled, many applauded. Teenagers were so engaged, I didn’t see a single phone screen light up. As I made my way out the doors, I overheard a much older woman tell a friend, “I didn’t care much for the gore, but I just loved the supernatural elements.” I don’t know if that says more about the movie or the changing times, but we’ve come a long ways since the original Evil Dead ended up on the infamous Video Nasties list. I felt somewhat baffled as I made my way out to the car. One thing kept repeating in my head: That’s it?

Look, I’m probably in the wrong here as this movie is doing gangbusters. Intellectually, I know Evil Dead 2013 isn’t a bad movie. It may be exemplary for the kind of horror we’ve been getting lately. The trailers played before the film can attest to the fact: Hollywood horror is in a dull, joyless rut at the moment. I always loved Evil Dead films (when I was a kid I went as Ash for Halloween two years in a row) so it’s disappointing to report I never felt moved—even as everyone around me reacted to the jump-scares. I think I would have enjoyed it much more if it weren’t an Evil Dead movie.

This time, most of the five characters who end up at the infamous cabin in the woods are cardboard cutouts. The main character, Mia (Jane Levy), is a heroin addict who’s trying to kick the habit through seclusion. As expected, an ancient tome is found, incantations are spoken, and an evil is unleashed via flying photography. Despite the great special effects (they promised no CGI, but I feel that’s not entirely true) I just don’t care when a character cuts her tongue in two or when someone dismembers a friend.

Chekhov’s Gun states: If a gun is shown in the first act, it must be fired by the end of the third. Here it’s a nailgun, an electric carving knife, and a cellar step that’s going to break exactly when we expect it to. I’m not giving anything away. You’ll see it coming from a mile away, too.

I feel like I just left a funeral. Bruce Campbell recently announced they’re making Army of Darkness 2, but I’ve heard that one so many times I won’t hold my breath. Their tentative plans to make an Evil Dead 2 in this universe and combine the subsequent sequel with Army of Darkness 3 (yes, part 3) isn’t clever, it’s confusing. And let’s face it: it’s not gonna happen, either.

I gotta admit, though: Mia picked a hell of a day to quit heroin.