Dead Space (no relation to the awesome video game of the same name) is a movie for those of you who thought Forbidden World was too exciting. It’s a routine Alien knock-off that at times aspires to be The Thing, but in the words of Butt-Head, “These effects aren’t very special, huh-huh.” There are numerous reaction shots of the actors watching the monster scurry across the room, but it feels like the second unit forgot to shoot all the pickup-shots of the monster itself. The monster constantly evolves throughout the mercifully short runtime, but the metamorphoses typically take place off camera.
The film opens as Commander Krieger and his robot sidekick pal around the galaxy, battling space pirates. The exterior shots of the opening battle are lifted directly from Roger Corman’s Battle Beyond the Stars, so incompetently edited that I initially thought the hero’s ship exploded at one point. Badly needing repairs, Krieger and his robot buddy head to the nearest planet. Thus ends the most exciting scene of the movie.
The scientists who reside on the planet are led by a thirty-five year old Bryan Cranston, who refuses to pull the plug on the dangerous lifeform they’ve created. Mere seconds after showing the pint-sized creature to Krieger, the creature escapes and kills one of the scientists. Wisely, the scientists band together until it’s time to split into pairs for casual sex. The monster attacks again and we’re treated to plodding shots of the heroes looking for the monster and fleeting shots of the monster itself.
Briefly, the monster breaks free from the confines of the cheap set. Krieger and his faithful robot companion hunt it across the alien landscape, which looks suspiciously like Vasquez Rocks disguised with a blue filter and fog machines. At one point, Krieger falls forty feet from a cliffside and lands on the rocks below. Regardless, he’s up and attem after a minute of masculine grunting.
The film’s most grating habit is the half-baked technobabble. The screenwriter clearly has little knowledge of infectious diseases, but insists on having the scientists talk about virology at length. They call the creature itself a virus, long after it has evolved past the point of requiring a microscope to be seen. And if you’re wondering what the scientists were up to in the first place, their plan was to create a virus to counter another virus ravaging the galaxy, which is clearly supposed to be Space AIDS. I’m not sure their science checks out.
If, like me, you thought the novelty of seeing a young Bryan Cranston in a cheesy B-movie sounds fun, you’ll be massively disappointed. Dead Space is far too bland to be “so bad it’s good.” It’s dull and run-of-the-mill in every way. I’ve had paper cuts more enjoyable than this movie.
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