Splinter (2008) [31 Days of Gore]

In the cold opening of Splinter, a gas station attendant is attacked by what appears to be roadkill (Is it a rat? A possum? A rabid squirrel?). Then we’re introduced to an attractive young couple (Jill Wagner and Paulo Constanzo) who suck at camping and a couple of drug addicts (Shea Whigham and Rachel Kerbs) who are running from the law. The couples’ paths cross in the middle of nowhere and the fugitives take the would-be campers hostage. When the getaway car overheats, the four of them have to make a pit stop at the very gas station we saw in the beginning of the movie, which now seems abandoned.

That’s when things get predictably weird… just a little too predictable, in fact, which is one of the film’s few flaws. The writers even bring in a nifty biologist character who makes huge leaps of logic while spouting technobabble nonsense. They don’t bother to explain the origin of the monster, so why did they feel the need to explain how it functions on a cellular level? All I’m saying is I could have used a little more peer-reviewed research.

I certainly wouldn’t say this is a cheap-looking film (the trailer is a different matter), but it feels like the poor man’s Splice. Taking cues from John Carpenter’s The Thing, the creature effects are fantastic, if not fleeting, while the acting is better than most of the movies I feature. In fact, my only complaint about the acting is it breaks down whenever the performers interact with the special effects; I suspect the actors had nothing physical to react to.

I don’t want to spoil what, exactly, is attacking the characters, but it’s sufficiently hideous and the title is certainly relevant. The characters are trapped inside the gas station, which forces them to resort to desperate measures, some of which reminded me of the amusing solutions employed in Tremors. Unfortunately some of these solutions are a little too goofy for the film’s otherwise serious tone. (I’m reminded of The Blob and Jurassic Park, but I’ll let you discover why on your own.)

I tend to dislike movies that try too hard to be creepy. This one tries when it’s at its worst, but more often than not it’s effortless. It’s not too loud, not too spacey, and not too boring. The sweet spot, I’d say.