First the series lost Kevin Bacon. Then it lost Fred Ward. Then I stopped giving a shit. Fast forward several years later and Netflix recommends I watch Tremors 5. Hey, why not?
I’ll tell you why not: Jamie Kennedy. As soon as I saw him put on a helmet so that his stunt double could ride a motorcycle around the opening credits for five minutes, I almost turned the movie off. Here’s an actor who sucks so bad, instead of trying to make better movies, he made a documentary to attack his critics. What a crybaby.
You’re probably thinking: Surely he’s an expendable character, right? Surely no one thought they could replace Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward’s chemistry with Michael Gross and Jamie Kennedy! Unfortunately, Kennedy really is the sidekick. Here’s a character who says “dome” because he thinks it’s funnier than just saying “head.” The rest of the time you won’t know if he’s referencing famous movie lines or outright ripping them off. Either way it’s fucking terrible.
So is the addition of piss humor. This movie seems to think piss is hilarious. Getting pissed on, drinking piss, singing while spreading piss all over your body. These things could be funny in a better movie, but they’re not here. And while Michael Gross still seems mostly genuine as Burt, the filmmakers think they can make us laugh simply by having him do little more than speak military jargon. Are words like “rendezvous” really that funny? (Let me suggest Nick Offerman for the inevitable reboot. While we’re dream-casting, move Kevin Bacon to Ward’s part.)
At best the movie is kind of entertaining and, at worst, it isn’t quite bad enough to turn off. Considering it’s free for anyone who has Netflix, the price is right if you don’t value your time. Frankly, I think the franchise derailed with the addition of ass-blasters. Credit where credit’s due: Tremors 5 has some of the best CGI I’ve seen in a straight-to-video movie and the camerawork is surprisingly good, too.
Considering some of the other stuff I’ve recommended this month, maybe I’m being a little too hard on it. I don’t know why I expected more. If you liked the last few, you might have a good time with this one. At least until they reveal… eh, I won’t spoil it for you. Best to let you throw popcorn at your TV, too.
Come back at midnight Central Time for the next movie.
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