Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy

I never expected to sit through all of Never Sleep Again, the four-hour documentary about Freddy Kruger movies, in one go. I just wanted something to watch while I ate an ice cream cone and took a break from Watch Dogs. I loved Freddy movies when I was a kid (one of the first things I ever wrote was a Freddy fan fic about his estranged brother, Eddie Krueger… Evil Dead’s also Ash Williams made an appearance), but at this point I probably haven’t seen a Freddy movie in ten years.

Narrated by Heather Langenkamp, who was Freddy’s first “final girl,” Never Sleep Again is a surprisingly entertaining behind-the-scenes piece of fluff. Born from Kickstarter, I expected low-quality fan service, but it brings the goods. There’s a healthy portion of footage that was censored in the theatrical releases, a handful of deleted scenes, and information about an unproduced script co-written by Peter Jackson. Of the many interviews, Robert Shaye and Wes Craven are especially candid about what they liked and didn’t like in the series.

For me, the most perplexing and unintentionally hilarious scene has always been the exploding parakeet in A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge. See, a parakeet blows up in midair and the main character’s father (Clu Gulager) suspects a natural gas leak before blaming it on a cherry bomb. I always wondered how that came about. How does something so stupid get written, much less filmed? Never Sleep Again sheds some light on the scene, but not much.

The time devoted to Elm Street 2, by the way, is the high point of the documentary. Either I don’t remember picking up on the homosexual undertones or I was too young to notice. Cracked named it the most unintentionally gay horror movie of all time. The actor who portrayed the main character says his Risky Business homage is often looped in gay bars across the country.

My favorite had always been the third one. They brought Nancy back and included adult characters who weren’t just “angry parent” stereotypes who seemingly hated their children. The arm-tendon marionette scene is burned into my memory. To this day, I remember the cross-shaped faucet handle that grabs back every time I see such a fixture.

So how did they get Dick Cavett to do a cameo in their scrappy little horror movie? Easily. They simply told him Freddy would kill any celebrity of Cavett’s choice. Naturally, he chose the “stupid” Zsa Zsa Gabor. That’s exactly the kind of production detail that makes Never Sleep Again a very watchable film.

The best part is how every one of the interview subjects look back on their experiences with fondness. For many, Freddy was their only brush with Hollywood. Others have had success elsewhere, but not quite as big. Robert Englund, who one might suspect resents Freddy, says, “Freddy has been very kind to me” towards the end of the doc. You get the sense that almost everyone who worked on the series had a blast. I have a new appreciation for the films.

I (kind of) saw Godzilla 2014

Last night I went to see Godzilla at the drive-in during an intense thunderstorm. Because I am an Oklahoman, it was far from the first movie I watched in a thunderstorm—the first was when I was around sixteen years of age, sharing a plastic bottle of vodka with a couple of friends as we stood in the middle of the field, laughing at the way the hairs on our arms and necks were rising from all the static electricity in the air. As I went to the bathroom, the power suddenly went out. I cannot adequately describe the existential horror of being trapped in a drive-in bathroom as it’s darker than the Mariana Trench… and you really don’t want to touch anything to find your way out because it probably hadn’t been surface-cleaned since the 1950s.

Nonetheless, I really enjoyed Godzilla. At least, once the storm finally passed around halfway through.

Dual-wield sniper rifles in Wolfenstein: The New Order

You assume the role of William B.J. Blazkowicz, whose favorite pastime is killing Nazis. The game opens in 1946 and initially feels routine, like a retread of Return to Castle Wolfenstein. Then a laboratory explosion puts a chunk of shrapnel in B.J.’s skull and the character spends the next fourteen years in a coma. When Nazis are ordered to shut the hospital down, B.J. wakes up just in time to slay the bastards. In this alternate timeline, the Nazis have won the war after dropping an atomic bomb on New York.

Severely culture-shocked, B.J. interrogates a Nazi commander with a chainsaw to find out where members of the underground resistance are imprisoned. Naturally, he breaks them out and finds himself battling the Nazi bastards all over the world… and the moon. Yes, that’s right. The friggin’ moon.

B.J. is a surprisingly sympathetic killing machine. His love interest—the woman who took care of him while he was in a coma all those years—is believably realized in both appearance and voice. Having recently played the less-than-stellar Rage, I’m surprised by how realistic these characters are rendered by the id Tech 5 engine. Take, for instance, the paraplegic Caroline Becker. When she and B.J. are reunited in 1960, they take turns listing their injuries and injustices in an attempt to one-up the other. The pissing contest is concluded with a hug, at which point Caroline warmly says, “Good to see you, William.”

Which isn’t to say the game is flawless. You’ve no doubt heard a lot of reports the game isn’t as linear as the demo which journalists first saw a year or two ago, but those reports are misleading. You’re constantly told what to do in great detail by another character (e.g., “B.J.! Get up to that ventilation shaft and try to ambush the bastards!” etc.). On top of that there’s almost always a little beacon pointing you to an easy-to-miss objective. I understand many gamers don’t have the patience for getting stuck, but the hand holding is a little strong.

As for the multiplayer? There isn’t any. Perhaps that’s just as well as I can’t say I had a whole lot of fun in DOOM 3’s multiplayer and what they tacked onto Rage wasn’t even worth the bandwidth. The developers focused on what really counts: a kick-ass game with very little fat.

What makes the game really special is the way it feels, something that doesn’t translate well to gameplay videos. You’ve gotta try it yourself to truly appreciate it.